She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
