i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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