I molested 6 butterflies tonight
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
