I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
