nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
