Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
