How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
