You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize