I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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