is your mom at the bar?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
