I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
