I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
