3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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