Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
