The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
