69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
