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your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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