i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
