He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
