Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize