Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
