either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
