the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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