please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
