if i died would you start the facebook group?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
