so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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