Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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