glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
