Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
