Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
