She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
