I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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