Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
