omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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