i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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