Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
