I'm gonna have a badass scar
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
