It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
