You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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