Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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