this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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