My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
