Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
