My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize