what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
