The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize