I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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