sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
