It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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