she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
