thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
