Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
