I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize