Nicole vs. Life
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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