I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
