Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
