the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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