I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
