You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
