I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
