My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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