I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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