If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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