just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
