i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
