if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
