I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
