ADVERTISEMENT

• (631): View more from New York

  You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...

  Fav 11 1167 3291

  share tweet
  

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.

  Fav 25 12342 1122

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (862): View more from New Jersey

  my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.

  Fav 13 5131 1239

  share tweet
  

• (518): View more from New York

  for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt

  Fav 11 1129 3207

  share tweet
  

• (256): View more from Alabama

  I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.

  Fav 20 1711 5700

  share tweet
  

• (254): View more from Texas

  There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.

  Fav 35 7617 1852

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.

  Fav 5 1205 2715

  share tweet
  

• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.

  Fav 2 735 553

  share tweet
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through

  Fav 0 705 522

  share tweet
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter

  Fav 1 661 385

  share tweet
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer

  Fav 3 283 358

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.

  Fav 3 118 15

  share tweet
  

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time

  Fav 0 37 21

  share tweet
  

• (302): View more from Delaware

  you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out

  Fav 0 26 17

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.

  Fav 0 77 9

  share tweet
  

Randomize