i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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